The Spiderman Game That Taught Me a Parenting Lesson
How one moment reminded me that kids need more than rules - they need a filter.
The other day my son asked if he could play a Spiderman game. While searching, I stumbled across one that looked fun at first glance - you swing through the city, flip between skyscrapers, and feel like the superhero himself. It seemed innocent enough, but I decided to sit with him and watch.
A few minutes in, his character came across a group of people in the street. Suddenly, weapons were drawn and violence broke out. That was my cue. OK, that’s enough of that. I told him the game wasn’t appropriate and we couldn’t keep playing.
Of course, he made his best case. He said, “But it’s fake. I know it’s not real. I would never fight like that in real life.”
And he’s right. I know that, too. But here’s what I told him: What we allow our brains to spend time on does matter. It shapes us. What we practice, what we allow our bodies to experience - even virtually - matters.
That conversation was a reminder that one of the most important skills we can give our kids is the ability to consciously filter. To pause and ask: Is this something I want in my mind, in my body, in my imagination?
Because the truth is, we can’t control everything the world will throw at them. They’re going to be exposed to behaviors, situations, and invitations we’d never choose for them. They’ll see things in media, at school, with friends. Some will be harmless, some will be hurtful, and some will be tempting.
We can’t shield them from it all - but we can help them practice filtering.
So how do we help our kids build this filter?
Name what’s happening. When something feels “off” in a show, game, or even a real-life situation, pause and say it out loud. Naming why it’s not a good fit teaches kids to notice those red flags themselves.
Practice the pause. Filtering isn’t just about saying no, it’s about slowing down enough to choose. Encourage your child to stop and check in with themselves: Does this feel right for me? Will this help me grow into the kind of person I want to be?
Model it yourself. Let your kids see you filter what you consume - whether it’s turning off a TV show that feels too heavy, stepping away from social media when it’s draining, or choosing calm over chaos. They’ll learn that filtering isn’t about missing out; it’s about making space for what matters.
Teaching our kids to filter isn’t about fear. It’s about freedom. When they know how to choose what they let in, they don’t have to be ruled by whatever comes at them. They can keep the good, let go of the rest, and grow into people who are deeply intentional about the lives they’re building.
And maybe most importantly, filtering gives them an anchor. The world isn’t getting quieter or gentler - there will always be more noise, more images, more invitations. But with a strong filter, our kids can stay rooted in who they are, even when everything around them is shouting for their attention.
xo Rachael